1. I can read my way
through motherhood
Before giving birth, a myriad of books were recommended to
me to read on parenthood. These books were all written by “experts” on subjects
like sleep, development, discipline, etc. I armed myself with literature and
absorbed as much as my preggo-brain could handle. I was convinced that the more
prepared I was, the more I would smash this mommy thing. I would have a
disciplined little angel who would giggle her way through the day and sleep
peacefully through the night.
Boy was I wrong.
First off, NO ONE is an expert on your baby except you (and even that is debatable at times…). What worked for the test babies of these so called experts (most of which are men or women who’ve never had children) will not necessarily work for your baby. She is a human, not a robot, so you sadly cannot expect that you can program her based on these books and it will automatically work. You can use books as a guideline and for helpful tips, but assuming that your baby will eat, sleep, and poop on cue just because you read so will just set you up for failure.
Boy was I wrong.
First off, NO ONE is an expert on your baby except you (and even that is debatable at times…). What worked for the test babies of these so called experts (most of which are men or women who’ve never had children) will not necessarily work for your baby. She is a human, not a robot, so you sadly cannot expect that you can program her based on these books and it will automatically work. You can use books as a guideline and for helpful tips, but assuming that your baby will eat, sleep, and poop on cue just because you read so will just set you up for failure.
2. I can schedule my
daughter’s life if I’m disciplined enough
Being a lover of schedules, task lists, and all other type-A
tools I firmly believed that I would be able to force my daughter into a
schedule that worked around my life.
For weeks I struggled with her as I tried to get her to eat and sleep according
to the schedule I’d devised (which was based on all those expert books I read).
She was miserable, I was miserable, and it just wasn’t working.
One week I decided to simply go with her flow and monitor exactly what she wanted to do. When she wanted to eat, when she wanted to nap, where she wanted to nap, etc. I noted it all down in an excel file (yet another type-A tool) and was astonished to see that she actually DID have an extremely predictable routine, but it just wasn’t the one I set. Since then, I have been following her lead and I am now able to plan my life around her. That is the real truth of it all: when they’re babies you don’t call the shots – deal with it.
One week I decided to simply go with her flow and monitor exactly what she wanted to do. When she wanted to eat, when she wanted to nap, where she wanted to nap, etc. I noted it all down in an excel file (yet another type-A tool) and was astonished to see that she actually DID have an extremely predictable routine, but it just wasn’t the one I set. Since then, I have been following her lead and I am now able to plan my life around her. That is the real truth of it all: when they’re babies you don’t call the shots – deal with it.
3. Babies will drift
off into gorgeous 2 hour naps on their own
As a startup owner, I knew having a baby was going to be a
struggle and I would have to learn to juggle my priorities effectively to
manage. The one thing I thought I could count on was that babies nap, and that
would be the time during which I would have a lazy mug of coffee, answer my
emails poignantly, and create genius strategy presentations - all while my baby
was sleeping like an angel in her crib.
HA! That is all I have to say for parents to understand
what I mean.
For all you non-parents, let me explain. As I type this, my daughter is napping on me in a baby carrier. This happens to be the only consistent way she naps. Every other method is a complete battle, and past the newborn stage most babies actually are unable to fall asleep on their own without assistance such as rocking, pacifiers, white noise, etc. The sleep experts will tell you NO SLEEP PROPS ALLOWED and insist that you place your baby awake in her crib and allow her to “self-soothe”, which is a subject I will save for another day.
If you have a baby that is capable of falling asleep on his own then I really congratulate you. As for me, I rock, sing, beg, plead, and do whatever it takes at the moment to get her to nap. While that’s probably not the best thing to do, I honestly just need a break and time to do the laundry, wash the dishes, cook dinner, and answer those emails without a baby clambering all over me so for now that’s going to have to be good enough.
For all you non-parents, let me explain. As I type this, my daughter is napping on me in a baby carrier. This happens to be the only consistent way she naps. Every other method is a complete battle, and past the newborn stage most babies actually are unable to fall asleep on their own without assistance such as rocking, pacifiers, white noise, etc. The sleep experts will tell you NO SLEEP PROPS ALLOWED and insist that you place your baby awake in her crib and allow her to “self-soothe”, which is a subject I will save for another day.
If you have a baby that is capable of falling asleep on his own then I really congratulate you. As for me, I rock, sing, beg, plead, and do whatever it takes at the moment to get her to nap. While that’s probably not the best thing to do, I honestly just need a break and time to do the laundry, wash the dishes, cook dinner, and answer those emails without a baby clambering all over me so for now that’s going to have to be good enough.
4. All babies love ________________
There is a blank at the end of that sentence because you can
pretty much insert anything you commonly believe about babies and my daughter
will prove you wrong.
Pacifiers? She hates them.
Car rides? She will scream bloody murder until you pick her up out of her car seat.
Bottles? It took THREE MONTHS of daily attempts with 7 different brands to get my daughter to take a bottle.
Pacifiers? She hates them.
Car rides? She will scream bloody murder until you pick her up out of her car seat.
Bottles? It took THREE MONTHS of daily attempts with 7 different brands to get my daughter to take a bottle.
Don’t expect that your child will love that swing that your nephew adores. Don’t rely on things based on what worked for
others. Figuring out your baby is a constant game of trial and error and you
will find your child may not fit the mold. My child happens to be a very
opinionated individual, and while at first that frustrated me I realized I really
can’t blame her for taking after her mama.
5. Babies are cute
companions for everyday life
During my pregnancy, I became a baby radar. On every mall
trip, I would scan for moms and admire how fun it looked to have a mums meet up
while your child naps (haha) in your ridiculously overpriced pram. I imagined
my baby happily accompanying me to on my grocery runs, my coffee dates, my
fitness classes, and anything else I fancied doing. It was going to be soooo
fun.
If I’d looked closer at those mums I would have noticed one
of them bouncing her child incessantly on her knee to avoid a complete meltdown.
I would have seen the other’s half eaten food that she wasn’t going to finish
because eating with a baby on your lap is just too much of a hassle. I would
have picked up on how often they both nervously checked their watches trying to
ensure they had time to get home before a nap was due. I would have realized
that this probably was the first time either of them had been out of the house
all week.
So many outsiders find moms meetups frivolous, but after
being cooped up all day with a baby you will know just how valuable a few hours
outside of the house with another adult really are – even if they’re difficult to manage.
6. I am ready
I wanted a child so badly it hurt. I thought I was ready for
motherhood and that it would come so naturally to me. I read all the books, bought
all the accessories, set up the nursery, and sat patiently waiting for this
baby to arrive.
And when she did, I realized something: you can never be ready.
A baby will turn your whole world upside down. He will make your former life unrecognizable. You are not ready for the sleepless nights, the constant crying, the vomit covered unwashed hair, and the persistent feeling of self doubt. You are not ready for that, and that’s ok.
Being a parent is the biggest challenge I have ever faced. Having never been comfortable with feeling out of control, I found it difficult to adjust to a baby’s inconsistency. Only when I let go of the need to have the reigns did I finally find my rhythm as a mother. Each day is different, and each phase will pass, so while you may not be ready just know that you are definitely capable.
And when she did, I realized something: you can never be ready.
A baby will turn your whole world upside down. He will make your former life unrecognizable. You are not ready for the sleepless nights, the constant crying, the vomit covered unwashed hair, and the persistent feeling of self doubt. You are not ready for that, and that’s ok.
Being a parent is the biggest challenge I have ever faced. Having never been comfortable with feeling out of control, I found it difficult to adjust to a baby’s inconsistency. Only when I let go of the need to have the reigns did I finally find my rhythm as a mother. Each day is different, and each phase will pass, so while you may not be ready just know that you are definitely capable.
I’m only 4 months into this gig and it’s been a bumpy start,
but with a supportive partner, a good sense of humor, and a strong cup of coffee you
can power through it – I promise.
